So...this is going to be long and random. I'm going to try to cover the whole semester, but may not cover everything I intend to. Just a fair warning.

Well, I started my semester knowing I was in for a rough ride. I had two tough science classes, Organic Chemistry I and Physics I; I was on Leadership Team at the BCM; I was involved in Creative Ministries at the BCM, which I hadn't done last year; I was involved not only in the Drama Team and the Christmas play with the adults, but also with the kids' Christmas musical. I gave myself another full plate for the fall. You would think I would know not to do that. On top of that, I had a new roommate I wasn't sure about, and I had gotten completely frustrated with a lot of the people I had been in close quarters with all summer. I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay at my job in catering, even though I knew finding another job would be difficult with the huge influx of new freshmen.

That influx caused a housing "crisis" at the start of the semester, btw. So much that they allowed  people under 19 to live off campus. Even then there was not enough room for all of the students.

Anyway, from about the first month or so of the semester, I began to question my major. Last year, I had decided I wanted a chemistry major, upon which I would build a forensics Masters degree, and later a career. English was still my passion, but chemistry was my "calling" as far as I could see. I must have been blind or something, because now my major and minor have swapped. I'm an English major with a chem minor. But more on that later.

Nearly from the start of the semester, some friends and I realized that one of our close friends wasn't behaving normally, or correctly. We did what we could to fix things, but finally just gave it to God. I won't go into details, but things got better, and things didn't get better. Be in prayer over that situation. I try to let God have it but it frustrates me at times.

Speaking of frustration, I have continued my frustration with people in school this semester. I ended up staying away from people I was close to last year/this summer and finding new friends among the freshmen and my more distanced friends. I am now more firmly engrained in two groups that I might not have been otherwise. That's a good thing that came out of the stuff in the last paragraph and this one. Funny how you don't see things until you start talking (in this case, with a keyboard) about them, huh? Anyway, I couldn't imagine living without these two "new" groups, one of which includes a guy who is more like my twin than anyone I've ever met (sorry Booky). Both groups allow me to "geek out" in ways that I'm either not welcome to or not comfortable to in my main group of friends from last year. Ironically, these two groups are not really BCM people. I mean, they all go to church regularly, and come to BCM functions when they can, but they aren't there 24/7 like I was last year, and for a good portion of this semester. It's been good to meet new people and strengthen friendships. I like it.

Also on that note, a dear friend of mine and I reconnected this semester. We didn't see each other much due to our increasingly busy schedules, but when we did see each other, it was right when one or both of us needed it. We usually have just the right thing to say, or in some cases not to say, for whatever the other is going through. It wasn't until about a week ago that I realized this person is more like an older sibling to me than anyone I've ever known. Thanks for being there, big sis.

For Halloween this year, I dressed up with friends as characters from Avatar. Most everyone who is reading this knew that, and has seen the pictures on Facebook. I was Aang, and my friends were Zuko and Katara. (Before you ask, NO, there is nothing between me and the girl who was Katara. It was pure coincidence that the three of us actually looked like those characters.) Yes, I went bald and we painted blue arrows on my body for that. You heard right, BALD. We shaved my head clean. And learned that my hair grows entirely too fast for me to go bald regularly.

I guess since I mentioned romance, I'll throw in that I have had my frustrations there also. Three times from February to November I had close friends of mine end up dating each other. Twice when there was some slight interest on my part in the young woman involved. And the one person at school I would most likely date right now...well, we've said that the only way we will even go out on a date is if God steps down and says so. Not for any ill will between us but for the sake of our friendship. (Ironically I'd said that about one of the young women mentioned previously, and not the one there was no interest in at the time.) Anyway, this semester more than ever we've ended up saying things that, as we say, "just set us up so that we have to get married someday." When we explained this to our Sunday School director, he told us we should just go ahead and get married. Very funny, Mister W. Very funny.

I guess the only other big things are: 1) my family moved. Back to where we were two houses and 3 years ago. It's nice. 2) I made my first movie, with the group of friends that contains my "twin". Look for it to come out on youtube and Facebook in the first few weeks of the new year. 3) I went on my first actual road trip, complete with packed full car, cat carrier, and TobyMac concert. Never again will I go in a car that has every seat filled. 4) I got shingles, somehwere between 2 and 3. I guess my stress at the end of the semester caused me to break out, along with wearing a new shirt that hadn't been washed. Another important lesson learned.

Oh, and that stress: it was caused by those classes from the start of this monstrous thing. My grades were not what I would have liked in my science classes, and I was freaking out about my GPA and my grades, on which my scholarship and thus my ability to be in college rides. It turned out all right in the end. I got 3 A's and 4 B's, two of which were my science classes and one of which was my Organic Lab. The fourth B was British Lit, which was kind of a shock, but at the same time not. I didn't live up to my prof's expectations, which means I didn't do an A's work. I have him again in the spring for a class on the Inklings, so here's a prayer I get an A there.

The fact that I wasn't doing well in my sciences influenced, but did not make, my decision to change my major. If you want to know more about that, message/e-mail me. I've just about written myself out now. Let's just say I've changed and feel more at peace about it, even though I have much less of an idea of what comes next with this major. That's one lesson God's been trying to teach me: I don't have to know everything. I'm learning.

I am beginning to wonder if this blog is just for me to write about terrible crazy things on. The last entry or two on here dealt with me dealing with Dalton's death. Now I finally come back on here and it's to tell you that someone else died.

We have some close friends in Illinois (near Princess Anna, actually) whose son graduated from Ole Miss this May. He went on a missions trip for the summer to Peru, and he was loving it. We got word Saturday that Gregory was killed in a bus wreck. This really has hit our friends and my family hard. I spent Saturday night watching movies on TV so that I wouldn't think. This later got me chewed out by friends who insisted that I should call if I'm ever in that state. Next time I will, I said. My strange little brain doesn't assume people are going to be ok with being called late at night, no matter what the cause, despite me giving most people the benefit of the doubt on almost every other level.

Anyway, I've found some comfort in a song (again) that I already held special: The Call from the Prince Caspian soundtrack. The lyrics just seem to speak about this situation, even though my brain is telling me they are talking about Narnia, not Peru. Oh well.

Here's a link to the local news report about Gregory:

ksdk.com | St. Louis, MO | Student Missionary with Local Ties Dies in Peru

P.S. This is also in part a response to StudyMate's request on the Town Square that I update my Xanga. It just took me a while to find something to post about.

"Today has been very interesting, to say the least, and I'm not sure which adjective really describes it best. Interesting is just my word to use for things I don't know how to describe." -- My previous description of today.

I will start by saying that the following is not meant to be a rant -- in case anyone who has already heard me speak of this should read this -- I feel peace about the situation, but it is of such an unsettling nature I'm still moved by it. I hope that writing this will help to calm the waters.

Today was a very good day. That is a very trite phrase, but it is also true. This morning was an excellent morning, and right up to the events that sparked this post, I would say that my day was superb (barring a few feelings of sadness and lethargy brought on by the early morning's dismal weather).

To get directly to the point: a group of people (about 10 of us or so) were sitting in the BCM. A friend of mine and I were working on chemistry homework. This is online homework and can be very frustrating at times. For some reason the afternoon had been one of those days where it seems that everyone is irritable, and easily set off. I noticed it happening to me like it had last week when I snapped at a friend. I snapped at him again today, and again for no reason. However, what really brought on this blog was what happened when the subject of the primaries arose. Lately I have grown even more unfavorable of politics. I just don't like them, and I really don't like discussing them with most people, but that is not relevant. It is just a side note. Anyway, the opinion was raised that all of us should go out and vote tomorrow in the primary for our county here at school. One friend of mine said, "Hooray for not being registered." This sentiment was shared by several people in the room, including myself, because we had not yet registered to vote.

We all had our reasons, of course, and we all explained them, loudly and briefly, and without much success at communicating them I fear. Then a certain person, whose opinion of anything is often abrasive, spoke up, saying, "Y'all are all being un-American by not registering to vote." This was my boiling point. I shouted, "My family lives in ----, 14 hours away. I have a license from ----, and I have no idea where my permanent address is, officially! Don't tell me I'm un-American because my situation is like it is!"

Well, after this someone in the office at the BCM closed the door. Not slammed, though it sounded like it had slammed because of the door's nature, but just closed. I realized then that I really shouldn't have shouted. It was just my anger, my homesickness, and my irritability all boiling over against this person, my relationship with whom has been strained to the breaking almost since we met.

Well, I apologized to anyone and everyone that I had yelled or snapped at or in front of. I said I shouldn't take my anger out on them or involve them in it. However, the person who had made the snide comment simply laughed it off, as is his nature. This upset me even more. At this point the anger was gone; I was simply upset. I tried a little later to explain my situation, asked him not-so-softly to keep his mouth shut next time he felt like saying something like that, and when he appeared uninterested I asked him to please listen. He replied that he had "heard every word [I] said." I said, "Yes, but you weren't listening." He brushed it off.

I spent much of the afternoon between talking with people about it, knowing he was like this and that it was not aimed solely at myself, and trying not to break down. To be quite honest, the fact that I did not know what my situation was and that I could not get to my family as instantaneously as most people (including the person who had sparked my outburst) had crushed me like a blade of grass.

But you know, sometimes a plant must be crushed to fulfill its use. Aloe may only release its healing salve if it is first broken open and crushed. Later this evening, before AlphaO (BCM praise and worship) a group of people gathered in the room to pray over it and the people who would be there tonight to praise God. I joined them for a twofold reason: I felt it my duty to pray for the time I and others would spend with God, and I felt the need to talk with Him and release this situation fully to Him. After that prayer session, I felt relieved and free. I started to greet people as they came in. My day had been through the valley, now it had reached a hilltop. I let myself go in worship to praise the God who heals all wounds and makes all things new.

I have realized through this experience that I need to check my anger even before I reach such a high level of emotion, and I think that next time I will remove myself from a situation if I see the danger approaching. Please pray for me and for the others who were involved in this. Pray that we will keep our angers checked and our ears open to the wounds we all have. Pray that our words will honor only God, and not ourselves, and that we may spread healing and not death with our tongues. Pray for the quenching of the hellfire which James says our tongues are lit with.

So...this is going to be long and random. I'm going to try to cover the whole semester, but may not cover everything I intend to. Just a fair warning.

Well, I started my semester knowing I was in for a rough ride. I had two tough science classes, Organic Chemistry I and Physics I; I was on Leadership Team at the BCM; I was involved in Creative Ministries at the BCM, which I hadn't done last year; I was involved not only in the Drama Team and the Christmas play with the adults, but also with the kids' Christmas musical. I gave myself another full plate for the fall. You would think I would know not to do that. On top of that, I had a new roommate I wasn't sure about, and I had gotten completely frustrated with a lot of the people I had been in close quarters with all summer. I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay at my job in catering, even though I knew finding another job would be difficult with the huge influx of new freshmen.

That influx caused a housing "crisis" at the start of the semester, btw. So much that they allowed  people under 19 to live off campus. Even then there was not enough room for all of the students.

Anyway, from about the first month or so of the semester, I began to question my major. Last year, I had decided I wanted a chemistry major, upon which I would build a forensics Masters degree, and later a career. English was still my passion, but chemistry was my "calling" as far as I could see. I must have been blind or something, because now my major and minor have swapped. I'm an English major with a chem minor. But more on that later.

Nearly from the start of the semester, some friends and I realized that one of our close friends wasn't behaving normally, or correctly. We did what we could to fix things, but finally just gave it to God. I won't go into details, but things got better, and things didn't get better. Be in prayer over that situation. I try to let God have it but it frustrates me at times.

Speaking of frustration, I have continued my frustration with people in school this semester. I ended up staying away from people I was close to last year/this summer and finding new friends among the freshmen and my more distanced friends. I am now more firmly engrained in two groups that I might not have been otherwise. That's a good thing that came out of the stuff in the last paragraph and this one. Funny how you don't see things until you start talking (in this case, with a keyboard) about them, huh? Anyway, I couldn't imagine living without these two "new" groups, one of which includes a guy who is more like my twin than anyone I've ever met (sorry Booky). Both groups allow me to "geek out" in ways that I'm either not welcome to or not comfortable to in my main group of friends from last year. Ironically, these two groups are not really BCM people. I mean, they all go to church regularly, and come to BCM functions when they can, but they aren't there 24/7 like I was last year, and for a good portion of this semester. It's been good to meet new people and strengthen friendships. I like it.

Also on that note, a dear friend of mine and I reconnected this semester. We didn't see each other much due to our increasingly busy schedules, but when we did see each other, it was right when one or both of us needed it. We usually have just the right thing to say, or in some cases not to say, for whatever the other is going through. It wasn't until about a week ago that I realized this person is more like an older sibling to me than anyone I've ever known. Thanks for being there, big sis.

For Halloween this year, I dressed up with friends as characters from Avatar. Most everyone who is reading this knew that, and has seen the pictures on Facebook. I was Aang, and my friends were Zuko and Katara. (Before you ask, NO, there is nothing between me and the girl who was Katara. It was pure coincidence that the three of us actually looked like those characters.) Yes, I went bald and we painted blue arrows on my body for that. You heard right, BALD. We shaved my head clean. And learned that my hair grows entirely too fast for me to go bald regularly.

I guess since I mentioned romance, I'll throw in that I have had my frustrations there also. Three times from February to November I had close friends of mine end up dating each other. Twice when there was some slight interest on my part in the young woman involved. And the one person at school I would most likely date right now...well, we've said that the only way we will even go out on a date is if God steps down and says so. Not for any ill will between us but for the sake of our friendship. (Ironically I'd said that about one of the young women mentioned previously, and not the one there was no interest in at the time.) Anyway, this semester more than ever we've ended up saying things that, as we say, "just set us up so that we have to get married someday." When we explained this to our Sunday School director, he told us we should just go ahead and get married. Very funny, Mister W. Very funny.

I guess the only other big things are: 1) my family moved. Back to where we were two houses and 3 years ago. It's nice. 2) I made my first movie, with the group of friends that contains my "twin". Look for it to come out on youtube and Facebook in the first few weeks of the new year. 3) I went on my first actual road trip, complete with packed full car, cat carrier, and TobyMac concert. Never again will I go in a car that has every seat filled. 4) I got shingles, somehwere between 2 and 3. I guess my stress at the end of the semester caused me to break out, along with wearing a new shirt that hadn't been washed. Another important lesson learned.

Oh, and that stress: it was caused by those classes from the start of this monstrous thing. My grades were not what I would have liked in my science classes, and I was freaking out about my GPA and my grades, on which my scholarship and thus my ability to be in college rides. It turned out all right in the end. I got 3 A's and 4 B's, two of which were my science classes and one of which was my Organic Lab. The fourth B was British Lit, which was kind of a shock, but at the same time not. I didn't live up to my prof's expectations, which means I didn't do an A's work. I have him again in the spring for a class on the Inklings, so here's a prayer I get an A there.

The fact that I wasn't doing well in my sciences influenced, but did not make, my decision to change my major. If you want to know more about that, message/e-mail me. I've just about written myself out now. Let's just say I've changed and feel more at peace about it, even though I have much less of an idea of what comes next with this major. That's one lesson God's been trying to teach me: I don't have to know everything. I'm learning.

I am beginning to wonder if this blog is just for me to write about terrible crazy things on. The last entry or two on here dealt with me dealing with Dalton's death. Now I finally come back on here and it's to tell you that someone else died.

We have some close friends in Illinois (near Princess Anna, actually) whose son graduated from Ole Miss this May. He went on a missions trip for the summer to Peru, and he was loving it. We got word Saturday that Gregory was killed in a bus wreck. This really has hit our friends and my family hard. I spent Saturday night watching movies on TV so that I wouldn't think. This later got me chewed out by friends who insisted that I should call if I'm ever in that state. Next time I will, I said. My strange little brain doesn't assume people are going to be ok with being called late at night, no matter what the cause, despite me giving most people the benefit of the doubt on almost every other level.

Anyway, I've found some comfort in a song (again) that I already held special: The Call from the Prince Caspian soundtrack. The lyrics just seem to speak about this situation, even though my brain is telling me they are talking about Narnia, not Peru. Oh well.

Here's a link to the local news report about Gregory:

ksdk.com | St. Louis, MO | Student Missionary with Local Ties Dies in Peru

P.S. This is also in part a response to StudyMate's request on the Town Square that I update my Xanga. It just took me a while to find something to post about.

"Today has been very interesting, to say the least, and I'm not sure which adjective really describes it best. Interesting is just my word to use for things I don't know how to describe." -- My previous description of today.

I will start by saying that the following is not meant to be a rant -- in case anyone who has already heard me speak of this should read this -- I feel peace about the situation, but it is of such an unsettling nature I'm still moved by it. I hope that writing this will help to calm the waters.

Today was a very good day. That is a very trite phrase, but it is also true. This morning was an excellent morning, and right up to the events that sparked this post, I would say that my day was superb (barring a few feelings of sadness and lethargy brought on by the early morning's dismal weather).

To get directly to the point: a group of people (about 10 of us or so) were sitting in the BCM. A friend of mine and I were working on chemistry homework. This is online homework and can be very frustrating at times. For some reason the afternoon had been one of those days where it seems that everyone is irritable, and easily set off. I noticed it happening to me like it had last week when I snapped at a friend. I snapped at him again today, and again for no reason. However, what really brought on this blog was what happened when the subject of the primaries arose. Lately I have grown even more unfavorable of politics. I just don't like them, and I really don't like discussing them with most people, but that is not relevant. It is just a side note. Anyway, the opinion was raised that all of us should go out and vote tomorrow in the primary for our county here at school. One friend of mine said, "Hooray for not being registered." This sentiment was shared by several people in the room, including myself, because we had not yet registered to vote.

We all had our reasons, of course, and we all explained them, loudly and briefly, and without much success at communicating them I fear. Then a certain person, whose opinion of anything is often abrasive, spoke up, saying, "Y'all are all being un-American by not registering to vote." This was my boiling point. I shouted, "My family lives in ----, 14 hours away. I have a license from ----, and I have no idea where my permanent address is, officially! Don't tell me I'm un-American because my situation is like it is!"

Well, after this someone in the office at the BCM closed the door. Not slammed, though it sounded like it had slammed because of the door's nature, but just closed. I realized then that I really shouldn't have shouted. It was just my anger, my homesickness, and my irritability all boiling over against this person, my relationship with whom has been strained to the breaking almost since we met.

Well, I apologized to anyone and everyone that I had yelled or snapped at or in front of. I said I shouldn't take my anger out on them or involve them in it. However, the person who had made the snide comment simply laughed it off, as is his nature. This upset me even more. At this point the anger was gone; I was simply upset. I tried a little later to explain my situation, asked him not-so-softly to keep his mouth shut next time he felt like saying something like that, and when he appeared uninterested I asked him to please listen. He replied that he had "heard every word [I] said." I said, "Yes, but you weren't listening." He brushed it off.

I spent much of the afternoon between talking with people about it, knowing he was like this and that it was not aimed solely at myself, and trying not to break down. To be quite honest, the fact that I did not know what my situation was and that I could not get to my family as instantaneously as most people (including the person who had sparked my outburst) had crushed me like a blade of grass.

But you know, sometimes a plant must be crushed to fulfill its use. Aloe may only release its healing salve if it is first broken open and crushed. Later this evening, before AlphaO (BCM praise and worship) a group of people gathered in the room to pray over it and the people who would be there tonight to praise God. I joined them for a twofold reason: I felt it my duty to pray for the time I and others would spend with God, and I felt the need to talk with Him and release this situation fully to Him. After that prayer session, I felt relieved and free. I started to greet people as they came in. My day had been through the valley, now it had reached a hilltop. I let myself go in worship to praise the God who heals all wounds and makes all things new.

I have realized through this experience that I need to check my anger even before I reach such a high level of emotion, and I think that next time I will remove myself from a situation if I see the danger approaching. Please pray for me and for the others who were involved in this. Pray that we will keep our angers checked and our ears open to the wounds we all have. Pray that our words will honor only God, and not ourselves, and that we may spread healing and not death with our tongues. Pray for the quenching of the hellfire which James says our tongues are lit with.

So, I got this invitation on Facebook. "What Disney Song Best Describes Your Life Right Now?" and this is what my result was:

"""Your life now can be described by You Can Fly, from Peter Pan, and I've Got No Strings, from Pinocchio
You may have recently broken or is trying to break free from some very stifling restraints, such as school or your parents. You got no strings to hold you down, and you feel as free as a bird. Your independence is yours to keep. You can do whatever you want to do and the only one controlling your life is you. You should use this exhilarating newfound freedom to really enjoy and experience your life. Do things you would have been too scared to do before, say things that would have once got you in trouble, go on an adventure just because you can! Your life is yours to make!"""

Needless to say, this is quite interesting to me, considering I have never really felt the desire to be free from my parents, and I am just getting back into the swing of things at school. So what is this newfound freedom I have found that I should use to "really enjoy and experience" my life? The best I can say is: it's my new dorm. I got moved from the freshman guys' dorm to the "non-party" dorm that I had been wanting since this time last year when I first decided on my school. My Mom has said that in the last 24 hours, since I moved, my whole demeanor has changed from what it has been since I got here at the start of last semester.

I have to admit, that is very true. I already feel less stressed, and my outlook on life today has mostly been what I consider normal. I actually interacted with the kids tonight at church, something I didn't feel at all capable of last semester. I mean, I was running around like I was their age again, and for that brief moment in time, I felt like I was.

Life is good here. I'm looking forward to World Literature tomorrow. I am wearing a T-shirt that says "got Jesus? It's HELL without Him." This is for my English prof from last semester who would often open the class in response to whatever weirdness we had concocted with, "What fresh h--- is this?"

  I guess the only things missing from the last few weeks have been Gene Wilder and Pirates of the Caribbean.

I'll start with finals, since they happened first. They weren't as bad as I'd thought they'd be, but since it was only my first semester this is probably the easiest they'll be. The good news is I got all A's (I was sweating over my English and Chemistry I grades at various points; English because I had no idea what the final would be, and chem because I discovered the day before the final that the final was worth 25% of the class grade, not 10 % like most of my classes).

In the middle of finals came the church's Christmas play, in which I played a young man returning from Air Force duty in Iraq. I borrowed fatigues from a man in the church who, surprisingly, is exactly my size. That's frightening in a sense, for those of you who haven't met me. Do you know how hard it is to find size 7 shoes? Anyway, we had a great time with it, and filled the church for the first performance. The crowd the second time wasn't too bad, either, but it wasn't exactly a big one. We were all more relaxed at the second one, anyway. Also, Papa, Grandma, Mee Maw, a certain angel and her mother came to see both shows. We all had a blast together.

The next thing was the Christmas Ghost bash which took place the Tuesday after the play. Whilst shopping with a couple of friends who were in need of Christmas presents (I having already accomplished mine own shopping), we came upon a set of leftover Halloween ghost pinatas. The idea came to one most ingenious member of our group that we should get one and it could be the Ghost of Christmas Past. We bought three, one for each ghost, and filled them with candy. Then we found A Muppet Christmas Carol and the phone calls started. And the Facebook event. Long story short: we had a blast at the BCM. I have a few pictures on here, and the whole roll on Facebook. Peruse them at your liesure.

The Ghosts, pre-bashing (L to R: Past, Present, Yet to Come):

Collin dealing out some post-finals destruction:

The Ghosts, post-bashing (L to R: Yet to Come, Present, Past):

Home: the final frontier. At least it is in the scope of this blog. Well, I drove to Grandma and Papa's house after spending Wednesday night at the BCM (the dorms close for the break Wednesday afternoon). We put together a puzzle I'd bought the day before at Wal-Mart. We played Guitar Hero. I read. We slept. Then I drove home.

Saturday I drove out here with Mee Maw and Mr. Johnny. Unfortunately we did not get to stop in Houston like we'd planned, though we did take a slight detour through downtown Houston. The point is: I'm home!!!!!!!!!!!!